Art is what you can get away with

Being Lost and Found

2009-07-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

As of recent, I feel like I've been left out of a lot of people's lives. I know that some of this is my doing, although it's not something that I meant to do. I have bottled myself up and not let people in, but it's because of the reaction I've gotten from people when I've tried to open up.

Truthfully, I feel replaced. I feel as though my importance in their lives has diminished and like the newest model car- I've been traded up.

But I have decided that there's nothing that can be done now. It's happened and there's no going back. I will just have to keep myself guarded so that I will never be in the position to be replaced again.

Update

2009-07-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have happened since the last post. I still feel alone in the world. Once you lose your mom, your greatest fan, I think you are alone in the world. No one understands you the way your mother does. She doesn't drop you when other people come along, or make you feel inadequate and inferior, as friends do.

I feel as though I've been cheated by people. I have listened and listened to their problems, but it seems as though when I start to tell them mine, they listen for a bit and then go right into talking about themselves. Maybe it's just me, but when I listen, I listen.

Anymore, I don't feel I can confide in anyone. It's been so long since I've felt comfortable talking to someone about how I really feel. I don't think people care about how I feel. People don't see me as a person. I'm just that thing that's there whenever they need someone. And that hurts.

I am alone

2009-07-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

I feel more and more alone lately. I'm very social to people, but on the inside I know that I'm on my own. I don't even like to talk to people about what's going on with me any longer. Making small talk is how I dodge questions about me, or I'll put on a big smile and say, "Oh, yeah! I'm doing fine!" But I'm not.

Alone

2009-06-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

I feel so alone. I feel as though no one truly understands what I'm going through and what I've went through.

Fixin'

2009-06-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Not as in I'm fixin to do something, but as in fixin' things that are wrong. There's a lot wrong in my life right now. Somethings I know how to fix; some I don't. Today, for example, the fence got fixed. Now you may ask what's so important about a fence getting fixed, but to me it means I can truly settle in to my new digs. You may also asked if I'm living in the yard since a fence getting fixed is allowing me to move on with moving in, but that's not the case. 'Tis a long tale, and something I do not wish to get into at the present moment.

There's something to be said for having one's own space. I miss having my own space. I went from having my own house to not even having my own room, or a room for that matter I miss painting and taking pictures. I miss being creative and must importantly, I miss being left alone.

Hopefully, now, the ball is rolling toward that goal of having a space of my own.

Wrestling!

2009-06-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

I attended a wrestling card in Big Lick. My aunt and I ventured down there yesterday and didn't return until 1:30 am!

Going to wrestling made me think of my mother. She loved wrestling and loved attending. I know that she's here with me-- she hid my Sharpie on me yesterday!

Going to Wrestling

2009-06-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

Family

2009-06-14T20:44:00.001-07:00

Good-bye, Buddy

2009-06-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today I was awaken from a nap to find that one of the kitties was run over. I complain about those, 'damned cats,' but some of them have really touched my heart. Buddy was one of them.

He was a very mild-tempted cat, cross-eyed, and very loveable. I will miss his loving nature and constant company while enjoying sitting a spell on the front porch.

Rest in Peace, little one.

I Have An Announcement To Make . . .

2009-06-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

I will no longer go out of my way for people who do not even return the favor in the slightest. You're supposed to give without thinking about receiving, I know this. However, there's only so much a girl can take!

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!

You Say It's Your Birthday?

2009-06-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do say it's my birthday! It was the big 3-5 today, folks. I wasn't so down in the dumps like I thought I'd be.

I spent a great day with people I love and got some goodies, too!

Last night, I believe, I received the best gift of all. This gift was from my mother. Whilst cleaning, my earring had fallen out. After searching for it everywhere, I'd given up hope of ever finding it. I was sitting still and all of a sudden, the earring appeared out of thin air and fell down onto the floor, next to my foot.

Thanks, Mom!

A Mother's Voice

2009-06-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

While I was out in the yard watering flowers, I heard my mom call to me. Her voice was so clear, it stopped me dead in my tracks. I've heard her voice before, and it's always an omen.

Hotter than asphalt in Georgia

2009-06-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today, I think I melted. :P It was very hot today. The folks and I ventured to Big Lick to a warehouse store. A good time was had by all. The day went much better than yesterday when I thought I was going to pull my hair out.

It's going to be a long road to hoe . . .

A New Beginning

2009-06-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

How appropriate for this blog's scheme to be black and white. I see life in black-and-white as of recent. Major changes have swept through my life- I have left my job of twelve years to move back to my hometown to help my family. This has been an arduous task, to say the least.

I've been here for little over a month, but it's left me emotionally and physically drained. This blog will be used to release some frustrations.

However, I believe that in this time of great change that it is time for me to change as well. Others have decided to change their outlooks- I think I shall follow suit.